6:20pm on April 13, 2015 I lost my familiar; Leroy. He was one of seven kittens born, and a sibling survivor of his brother Oreo. The other five did not have the strength to survive with a momma cat who knew so little of taking care of newborns. Looking at Leroy and Oreo you could see that Leroy was definitely the runt. He however, had a will inside him that his other siblings did not possess and with help from his human momma and substitute cat milk in a bottle he thrived.
Through the years I experienced several tragedies, marriages, divorces, major surgeries, and more and he was always there for me. The loss of his brother; Oreo on Jan. 6, 2008 sent him and I into a severe depression and agonizing grief... but we still had each other!
Through everything, I started questioning my spirituality and faith that had been instilled in me from a young age. I started researching and studying all kinds of religions, until I found a path that calmed me and made me feel complete in a sense that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I devoted myself to this path, this faith, this belief, this new life. Like a phoenix being reborn from the ashes, I had become a Witch. A Pagan. A follower of the Old Ways. Leroy, without coaxing or initiating in any way was at my side if he saw me studying or if he saw me preparing for a ritual. When there was a circle cast, he was there. For over a decade he was my familiar, my companion in not just this physical realm we resided but as well as the spiritual. He was my strength, my guide, my protection, and my calm.
At 6:20pm on April 13, 2015, I lost more than, what some humans would say; a cat or a pet. I lost my familiar, my strength, my guide, my baby boy...and more, than I have cared to admit or acknowledge, until now. I lost faith. I have felt lost in the 3 years since his passing and have not practiced any rituals, celebrated any Sabbaths, or even touched my Grimoire.
My life has been what seems life a whirlpool and I am in the center, bobbing up and down trying to keep my head above water, to only be pulled down in the quick moving swirl of the world.
Had I been forsaken? Had I been turned away? Had I been forgotten?
I admit, I felt I had experienced all those things, if not more since Leroy's passing, until I realized I am the one who turned away. I am the one who forgot who and what I was.
With Leroy and the Goddess always in my heart and soul, my path was never blocked by anything other than my own self-inflicted pain and suffering.
By Nature's sacred law, each life must end so others may be born upon this Earth. Each soul is made unique and lives awhile before returning ti the womb from which all life is born. Although we all must die, we're always sad to wish a friend good-bye. May the Goddess protect you on your way from us, your loving family and from light of day.
Remembering this sacred law, I am reborn...