I was diagnosed over a decade ago with GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. To this day, I have still yet to find a way to control it, let alone stop the attacks from happening. When they first started it was out of blue while eating. I felt like my throat was closing off, I started shaking, instant dry mouth, and an overwhelming amount of panic set in. Not knowing what was happening, it stuck in my mind for days and every time I went to eat, it happened again! Over and over panic attacks took over my brain, keeping me away from food for days. Finally I discussed it with my doctor and and he started me on medication to help ease them. So I started taking a pill about an hour before I knew I was going eat just so I could...eat.
Soon after, for some reason my brain decided that driving was a danger. Though I was in my late 30's and had been driving since I was 16, sometimes I could not continue once I started driving without paralyzing fear. I would have to pull off to the side of the road, try and calm myself down. There have been times it took me over 2 hours to get from point A to point B, when it should have taken 30 minutes. I discovered a certain type of gum; Icebreaker Cubes Peppermint helped if I was in a full blown attack. Chewing kept me busy, the gum created saliva which kept the dry mouth away, and the peppermint would help open my sinuses to increase breathing more naturally. It didn't always work if it was a severe attack, but 90% of the time it did the job for me.
I know it is hard for family and friends to understand these attacks, I know this because I can't even understand them and they are happening within my own brain. I can be perfectly calm watching a movie with my husband one second, and then I can be completely engrossed in complete anxiety that is uncontrollable. It makes life debilitating at times.
I do know there are things that you can do and say if a loved one is suffering from anxiety. My best advice firstly is; please be patient with them!
Here are some other ideas I have found (with a link to credit the author)
1. “Stop thinking about it.” Don’t you think if it
was that easy I would not think about it? It maybe easy for you, but as a
person with GAD I have to practice the coping strategies I’ve learned
in therapy. And sometimes I can’t even do that. So telling me to not
worry simply does not cut it.
Instead, try asking me to go for a walk or if there is anything you can do to help me process what is happening.
2. “Everyone feels anxious.” Yes,
everyone feels anxious, and it is completely natural. Anxiety
actually pushes us to get things done, but when your anxiety stops you
from being able to function, guess what? That’s a problem. So please do
not compare GADers (yes, I created this word) with non-GADers (this word
too).
Instead, acknowledge what I’m going through. Say, “I see this is really hard for you. Would you like to talk about it?”
3. “I’m stressed too.” Not to discredit your stress,
but you are certainly discrediting ours. What you do not understand is
that we have a hard time controlling our thoughts, and whether you
realize it or not, no matter how small it may seem to you, our anxiety
tends to maximize everything.
Instead, try offering some words of encouragement.
4. “I know how you feel.” Unless you have GAD you do not know how I feel, so please stop saying that you do.
Instead, say, “I don’t understand exactly how you feel, but would you be willing to help me understand?”
5. “You need to calm down.” When people suffer from GAD, there are times when his/her
anxiety
is through the roof and it takes me time to calm down. It is always a
three-ring circus going on in our heads. That advice is like telling
someone who is sick to stop coughing. So no, we cannot calm down right
now.
Instead say, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
6. “You are doing too much.” (Translation:
“You are being dramatic.”) Thank you for your words of comfort. We know
our thoughts can be irrational at times, but that is how our brain
works. Can you imagine 1,000 tabs on your computer are opened, and you
cannot stop new tabs from opening? Well, that is how we feel. Just
because our disorder is invisible does not mean it is not real.
Instead, ask me about what methods I use to ease anxiety (like breathing methods and yoga), and remind me what’s worked in the past.
7. “You worry too much.”
Yes, we worry too much and we know that, but if you have not figured it
out by now, we cannot control it. Telling us we worry too much does not
help. We were already worrying about 50 things prior to this
unnecessary statement, and now we are worrying about worrying.
Instead, say, “It’s OK to feel this way. I know your anxiety can be difficult, but I’m here for you.”
In my personal experience while in an attack, I can not be hugged or cuddled. I already feel like I am suffocating and hyperventilating (in some cases), so having someone holding me is pure pain and discomfort. I have researched some people it helps calm them, let's them know they are not alone. The last thing I want is to upset anyone by quickly pulling away as they go to hug me.
So, for any of you who suffer with these attacks, you are not alone. I hope this article helps, and I hope if you are a reader that is not physically affected by them, but love someone who does suffer, I do hope you can be patient, understand that it is out of their control, and just be there for them.
One day, I will overcome!
